The Enneagram & Relationships Lab™

“Michelle takes the Enneagram beyond personal awareness into real relationship resolution and transformation. She is a unique contributor to the Enneagram community, and we all benefit from her work.”

The Enneagram & Relationships Lab™ 💞

Stop repeating the same patterns — and start relating more intentionally in real time

If you already know your Enneagram type but still find yourself:

having the same conversation that never fully resolves
shutting down, overreacting, or avoiding things altogether
feeling misunderstood—or not fully seen, even when things seem “fine” on the surface

Or—

If things aren’t necessarily in conflict, but you:

want to understand yourself and your partner more deeply
notice subtle patterns and want to shift them before they become problems
want to feel more connected, intentional, and aligned in how you relate

…this is where that starts to shift.

Whether your pattern looks like conflict, avoidance, or quiet disconnection—this work helps you recognize it and change it in real time.

The Enneagram & Relationships Lab is a monthly, guided experience designed to help you see what’s happening, interrupt it in the moment, and create different interactions—week by week.

Not just insight—but change you can feel in your real relationships:

Conversations don’t escalate—or get avoided—in the same way
You catch yourself before old patterns take over
You recover more quickly when things feel off
You feel more connected, not just less reactive

You can join on your own or with your partner:

Join solo and begin changing your side of the dynamic immediately
Join together and practice new ways of relating in real time

Either way, the work translates directly into your actual relationships.

Why Insight Alone Isn't Changing Your Relationship

Most people already have awareness.

They can name their Enneagram types.
They’ve read the books.
They’ve had the conversations.

And still—

the same dynamic keeps playing out
one person escalates, the other shuts down—or avoids it altogether
it’s unclear how to meet each other’s different needs in the moment
repair either doesn’t happen, or doesn’t fully land

So instead, things linger.

What doesn’t get addressed doesn’t disappear—it builds up over time, creating distance, tension, or disconnection beneath the surface.

The issue isn’t insight.
It’s not knowing how to work with these patterns while they’re actually happening.

Because these patterns don’t just live between two people—they live within each of us

About Michelle 🌿

I’ve spent over 20 years working closely with couples, observing the real patterns that show up in relationships—not just what people say is happening, but what is actually happening underneath.

Over time, I began noticing the same dynamics again and again: the blind spots people can’t see, the ways couples unintentionally reinforce their cycles, and what actually needs to shift for change to occur.

My work specializes in viewing relationships through the lens of the Enneagram, developmental psychology, and neuroscience to understand not just why patterns happen, but how they can actually change in real time.

This Lab is the result of that work—bringing together what I’ve seen up close with thousands of couples into a practical, lived experience of change.

“We tried many resources with no results. Michelle helped us make improvement in our marriage in very little time. Thank you Michelle!”

This is the Missing Piece in Enneagram + Relationship Work ✨

Most Enneagram teachings help you understand yourself.

They focus on awareness, insight, and recognizing patterns—but they rarely show you how to actually shift what happens between you and other people in real time.

That’s the gap.

And it’s why so many people can clearly name their patterns… and still keep repeating them.

What’s usually missing is:

concrete, step-by-step practices for shifting your specific relational dynamics
an understanding of the exact habits of your type that quietly keep the cycle going
a clear way to work with patterns as they show up in real interactions—not just after the fact

This is the difference between understanding your Enneagram type…

and actually changing how you relate.

In this Lab, the focus is not just awareness—it’s change in real time.

That means you learn how to:

catch patterns as they’re happening, not hours or days later
interrupt automatic reactions in the moment they usually take over
work directly with the dynamics that actually show up in your relationships

So instead of:

repeating the same cycle (whether it shows up as conflict, avoidance, or quiet disconnection)
shutting down, escalating, or staying stuck in familiar roles

You begin to experience:

conversations that feel more present and less reactive
the ability to stay engaged even when things feel uncomfortable
a growing sense of connection, clarity, and repair in real time
If you’ve been thinking:

“I understand my patterns… but I still find myself in them.”

This is the piece that changes that.

Join the Lab and start shifting your patterns this month.

“Michelle's work cracked open dimensions of the Enneagram I didn't know existed. Her grasp of how couples and relationships intersect with type is both rare and genuinely transformative.”

✅ This is for you if:

You keep getting pulled into the same relationship dynamic and want to change it
You either avoid conflict or escalate, and you want to find another way
You understand the Enneagram but want to actually apply it in real life
You and your partner want to grow together—not just fix things when they go wrong
You want to understand your differences more clearly and support each other better

🚫 This is NOT for you if:

You’re looking for therapy or clinical treatment
You want purely intellectual Enneagram learning without real-life application
You’re not willing to look at your own patterns as they show up in real time
You want others to change without your participation

“As a result of attending Michelle’s Workshop, we have made significant progress in our marriage that had not been achieved using any other resource.”

Is it Fair to Ask Your Partner to Change? ⚖️

Change in a relationship isn’t optional. Without it, couples begin to feel bored, stuck, or quietly disconnected.

But not all change is a fair ask.

Some patterns need to shift. Others need to be understood – and accepted.

Knowing the difference is where most couples get stuck.

Without that clarity, couples often push for change where it won’t happen – and stop short where it actually could.

This is the work we do inside the Lab.

This is not therapy.
It’s a guided lab — a place to practice love, one type-informed experiment at a time.

🌱 Why a Membership?

Because real change isn’t instant — it’s cultivated.

Consistent Support Over Time

Small steps, steady growth, lasting results

Deeper Learning & Integration

Insights become habits, not just “aha” moments

Safe Space to Experiment

Try, repair, and try again without judgment

Community Accountability

Support from others on the same journey

Practical, Type-Specific Tools

Not generic advice, but personalized guidance

How the Lab Works 💡

How It Works (What Changes Each Week)

Each month follows a simple 4-week arc so you always know exactly how to engage—and more importantly, how things will start to shift:

Week 1: See the Pattern You’ve Been Stuck In

(Live teaching + relationship mapping)

We start by identifying the dynamic that keeps showing up in relationships.

You’ll learn how different Enneagram types tend to enter this pattern—and why it can feel so hard to break, even when you understand it.

💡 What clicks here:
“Oh… this is exactly what keeps happening between us.”

Week 2: Catch Yourself in Real Time

(Self-observation + awareness)

Now the focus turns inward.

You’ll begin noticing your role in the pattern as it’s actually happening—especially in moments of stress, miscommunication, or emotional activation.

💡 What shifts here:
“I can see it happening while I’m in it—not just after.”

Week 3: Change What You Do in the Moment

(Practical tools + new responses)

This is where things start to feel different.

You’ll learn simple, usable ways to interrupt automatic reactions and interrupt automatic reactions and try something new in the exact moment you’d normally escalate, shut down, or pull away.

💡 What becomes possible:
“I have something I can actually do right now that changes where this goes.”

Week 4: Experience a Different Interaction Together

(Integration + relational practice)

Now we bring it into real connection.

Through guided practices, you’ll apply what you’ve learned with your partner (or in your real-life relationships), so the change becomes something you can actually feel—not just understand.

This may include:

Guided communication exercises
Repair and reconnection practices
Experiential connection activities
Light, playful practices to bring awareness into everyday connection (like type-based date night prompts or “Bingo”-style games designed around your Enneagram patterns)

💡 What people often experience:
“This feels different. We’re actually relating in a new way.”

Even the same old moments start to feel different because you’re not reacting the same way.

This Isn’t Just Learning—It’s Ongoing Support While Change Is Happening

You’re not left to figure this out on your own—or wait until things build up to get support. The Lab gives you support while real-life situations are unfolding:

• Private Office Hours
Get unstuck quickly with short, focused coaching when something is actively coming up for you.

• Live Coaching Circles & Q&A
Practice tools, ask questions, and see real relationship dynamics worked through in real time.

• Type-Based Chat Spaces
Connect with others who share your Enneagram type—so you can feel understood, compare experiences, and learn what actually works.

• Community Gatherings
A warm, growth-oriented space where you can connect with others who are actively doing this work alongside you.

• Type Pairing Teachings & Case Studies
Go deeper into specific relationship dynamics and see how different type combinations play out—and shift.

“I’m really impressed with Michelle’s knowledge of Enneagram styles and their expressions, her strong grasp of couple dynamics, and how insightfully she brings the two together in her Enneagram-assisted work with couples.”

Join the Lab 💞

Join by April 30th and receive:

$ 47 /month

Founding Rate for the life of the group, which will be raised soon but you can keep the founders price for life

$ 47+35 /month

Add your partner for just $35/month to transform your relationship together, side by side

Bonuses:

Relationship Patterns by Type Guide

A clear, type-by-type breakdown of how you show up in relationships—so you can quickly recognize your patterns while they’re happening, not after the disconnection, and stop repeating the same dynamics without realizing it.

How Your Type Disrupts Connection + How to Shift It

A deeper look at the exact cycles your type creates in relationship—so you can see where connection breaks down, interrupt the pattern before it escalates, and create a different experience in real time.

+ Fast Action Bonus (first 5 spots):

A private 45-minute Enneagram relationship session with Michelle Joy, MFT to discuss your toughest relationship stuck spot and position yourself to get the most out of the Lab ($325 value)

“This is the kind of work that all couples need to know about. Michelle’s synthesis is the best and most practical applications of the Enneagram to intimate relationships that I’m aware of.”

Commonly Asked Questions instead, since the questions and answers are listed below that.

I’m really busy—how much time will this take?

The monthly teachings and exercises are short but powerful, they are designed to fit into your life seamlessly and practice what you are learning in your relationships without adding stress.

How do I know this will actually help my relationship?

Most people already understand their patterns, but repeat them anyway. The Lab focuses step-by-step paths to shift your patterns at the root. Get help with your specific dynamic in the chat rooms, community gatherings, Q&A and private office hours with Michelle.

Is this a safe space to share personal things?

Absolutely. Our community is private and moderated to ensure a supportive, respectful environment where you can share as much or as little as you’re comfortable with.

I’m new to the Enneagram. Will this be too complicated?

Not at all. Whether you’re new or experienced, we guide you through every step with practical, jargon-free, type-specific tools you can use right away.

“Is this therapy?”

The Relationship Lab is not therapy—it’s an educational and experiential space led by a couples therapist, but it’s not a substitute for individual or couples counseling.
Instead, it’s a place for reflection, growth, and self-understanding using the Enneagram. You’ll learn new ways to connect, communicate, and navigate your relationships, but in a supportive group learning environment, not a clinical setting.

I’ve tried relationship programs before and nothing stuck. How is this different?

Most Enneagram Relationship programs focus on mindset shifts and awareness but don’t provide you with real-time, type-related tools to implement that are designed to shift your patterns. The Lab provides that, plus with real time support where you can get your questions answered.

I’m not very tech-savvy—will I be able to use the website and access the resources easily?

Yes! Our platform is designed to be user-friendly and intuitive. Plus, we provide step-by-step guides and friendly support if you ever get stuck.

What if I have trouble logging in or accessing content?

We have a dedicated support team ready to help you quickly resolve any access issues, so you can stay focused on your growth without frustration.

Can I access the materials on my phone or tablet?

Absolutely. Our site and resources are optimized for all devices—desktop, tablet, and mobile—so you can engage whenever and wherever it’s convenient for you.

“I worry that joining a relationship group means my relationship is in trouble or that it feels like therapy, which has a stigma.”

This group is not therapy — it’s a proactive, positive space focused on emotional growth, connection, and fun. It’s designed to help couples and individuals deepen their relationship skills and enjoy type-specific activities together. Joining shows strength and commitment to thriving together, not a sign that something is wrong. Come and join other Enneagram Enthusiasts. We are all in this together!

Can I join on my own, even if my partner isn’t interested?

Yes, you can, and many people start that way. At the same time, the work goes deeper when both partners are involved since 2 people create relationship dynamics together.

Can we join as a couple if my partner doesnt know their type?

Yes, you can both still join. We will help you begin identifying patterns and understanding your partner’s tendencies over time, so you don’t need everything figured out from the start.

Can I cancel anytime?

Yes — you’re not locked in. You can cancel your membership at any time. We believe in earning your commitment through value, not contracts.

If you’re ready to stop circling the same patterns —
and start creating something different in your relationship —
this is where that work begins.